I have gone up and down and up and down for the last 10 years. I will lose weight and then gain it back. It feels like a never ending cycle. I do well with exercise, I schedule time to take care of myself, and I focus on making healthy choices. Then life happens and work is stressful or there is a death in the family or school is freaking me out. That results in studying for long hours, working at crazy times, or just plain not caring because it doesn’t seem important in the face of a tragedy.
And then I end up where I am now. Three years after working really hard to be healthy and lose weight and I’m back where I started. I thought for sure I would get back where I needed to be this summer. I would have all this free time when not in school and could spend lots of time exercising outside. Of course this has been one of the hottest summers in Indiana history so me and the kids have been stuck in the house most of it. We’ve been busy and pretty much just eating whatever happens to come along. Yeah, that doesn’t make for a healthy lifestyle or a slimmer Brandy.
I haven’t been particularly liking what I have seen in the mirror lately but I had been ignoring it. Until yesterday when I got on the scale and the number pretty much slapped me in the face. I ignored the bacon in the fridge and had oatmeal for breakfast, I had a yummy grilled chicken salad for lunch, I measured and weighed my pasta dinner and wrote everything down for the day. I tracked it to see what I was doing. I was proud of myself by the end of the day but I was also a bit miserable.
I was craving junk food like I can’t even tell you. I wanted something greasy and fatty and maybe something filled with sugar. I didn’t need it. I wasn’t hungry. I was full and done eating for the day. All of that didn’t matter because I LONGED for something horrible for me. I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t need it. I just wanted it for no good reason, something I wish I could explain. I’m going to say it again, I DIDN’T NEED IT.
I can happily report that I didn’t eat any of it. I left the chips alone. I didn’t dig through the freezer for ice cream. I track using Weight Watchers and I was well within my points for yesterday. While I wanted something bad for me I talked myself out of doing it. I ate good food and enjoyed it and fought my cravings instead of giving in to them.
There have been a lot of studies about sugar and fat being addictive and I absolutely believe that to be true. My body doesn’t need it but when I try to get some of it out of my life, I feel a horrible urgency to eat them. I feel like I’m trying to detox my body away from those things. I am drinking more water and putting healthy food into my body. I’m hoping the next 2-3 weeks goes by quickly as I try to break the habit I have created of eating junk. My body doesn’t need it and I don’t want to be dependent on it any longer.